March 1st, 2011 –
Have you ever woken up in a cold sweat at 2AM, not knowing whether you wanted to live or die?
I woke up, sat up, and took a drink of water. My God, I thought, what was I doing with my life? What was my purpose in life beyond mere survival and self-indulgence? Why can’t I be happy like so many other people, when on the surface it appears that I have everything at my fingertips? The questions rushed through my mind like a river, gone as fast as they came and before I could answer them. I’ve always been self-reflective, but never like this, never with such chilling honesty.
By 4 o’clock I realized I wasn’t going back to sleep. Nor did I want to. I had to start finding answers to these questions. I had to find a purpose in my life that would allow me to be happy. That was four days ago, and yet I already know that it was the most important day of my life…